More today from my WIP, Elly and the Geriatrics. In this scene, Derek has just purchased some garden tools Elly found in her grandfather’s shed. But even though Elly's hair looked like it had been styled with an eggbeater and dirt streaked her T-shirt, she made quite an impression. While women are concerned with hair, clothes, and makeup, men tend to focus on other things, don’t they?
Derek stared in his
rearview mirror and took another look at Elly as he left the driveway. Her tight T-shirt hugged her curves like a coat of paint.
He let out his
breath in a wolf whistle.
When she'd bent over to pick up the shovel and he’d caught a glimpse of pink panties cupping her butt, he was pretty sure his mouth fell open. And the taut
muscles in her legs—long legs that went from pink painted toenails all the way
up to heaven. Derek’s libido went into overdrive when a snapshot of that vision
clicked in his brain.
Wow.
When she asked if
he saw anything else he wanted, he’d bit back the answer that came to
mind.
Oh, yeah.
He’d definitely be buying more of her grandpa’s tools, and he was sure interested in anything else she had to offer.
Oh, yeah.
He’d definitely be buying more of her grandpa’s tools, and he was sure interested in anything else she had to offer.
For the first time
in many years, Derek found himself really drawn to a woman, wanting to get to know
her better in all kinds of ways. The feeling surprised and pleased him. Sure,
she was good-looking, but her kindness toward her grandmother and the way she
didn’t fuss about her appearance attracted him too. A nice woman—not at all
like some he’d been with since Suzette.
When he’d seen Elly
at the rummage sale, he hadn’t realized she was so tall. At least five foot
ten—maybe more. Today he saw that her height almost
matched his own. Her body would be a perfect fit for his.
A vision of deep
brown eyes and wild red hair sealed the deal.
And don’t forget those legs.
Oh, no way could he forget those long legs.
Oh, no way could he forget those long legs.
He gripped the
steering wheel tighter and stared straight ahead, knowing he’d better guide his
mind away from the direction it was heading and pay attention to the road or
he’d wind up in a ditch.
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I'm so glad to get Derek's POV! Even more glad he's already smitten with Elly. I'm just loving this story. I'm invested in these characters, but then your characters are always wonderfully drawn. Can't wait for more! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jenna. You are so kind!
DeleteI love how he thinks she doesn't fuss with her appearance, especially after she was mortified when he pulled up. *Great* snippet from his POV!
ReplyDeleteI sometimes struggle with the male point of view, so I'm glad you liked today's attempt.
DeleteAh, great snippet. It was fun seeing Elly through Derek's eyes. Thanks for sharing...and for visiting my sample.
ReplyDeleteI like seeing things from his pov. Nice excerpt.
ReplyDeleteLaurel & Elaine - Thank for stopping by and leaving comments. I enjoyed your Saturday Samples too.
DeleteSEX-X-Y! I LOVE IT. EVen my libido is in overdrive and I'm a female!
ReplyDeleteI always go into editing mode when reading - just a bad habit! My opinion: metaphors are great in poetry but tend to slow down the action in a story. How about something like: "pants hugging each curve leaving no secrets behind." instead of:
hugged her curves like a coat of paint.
Keep the fires burning.
Warm regards,
Lois W. Stern
Thanks for your input, Lois. Originally, I wrote: "fit her like a second skin," but that sounded too much like a cliche. I'm still tweaking.
DeleteOhhhh Sandy - you do have a way with words and a clear idea of how a young man's mind works. Did I say 'young'? Well - I'm quite sure that even the oldest man dares to at least dream and that is a good thing!
ReplyDeleteI'm smiling at your comment. Sometimes men are simple creatures, aren't they?
DeleteWhoa!! This is picking up a hot racy pace now!! if I liked it before, which I did, I loveit now! I can't wait for more!
ReplyDeleteMicki Peluso
Thank you, Micki. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
DeleteI love Derek and I love your imagery which makes your characters come so alive! Great post!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad they seem real to you, Sandy H. I feel like I know them.
DeleteSandy, You must live quite the life! This story gets better all the time! What a story. I can't wait to read the book. Thanks for another great one!
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing at your comment. I have a good imagination, and remember -- there's a reason they call it fiction.
DeleteI love Derek and his POV as well! Sounds like some fireworks might be going off between him and Elly eventually.
ReplyDeleteI'm working on it.
DeleteI am loving the description of how Elly is seen in Derek's eyes. This is going to be another great one
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lindsay! I'm having fun with it.
DeleteAnother great sample. I feel so connected with both your characters :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to make them down-to-earth people that you feel like you know. I'm glad to hear you feel connected to them.
DeleteLike a coat of paint! Wow! What Prose. I really liked that.
ReplyDeleteI try to find original ways of looking at things whenever possible.
DeleteI love that he's so attracted to her and she's apparently unaware of his interest. So many great descriptions. This excerpt draws me in effortlessly and keeps me there.
ReplyDelete--Kimberly K. Comeau
Wow! Thanks for the nice compliment. Every writer hopes to draw in her readers.
DeleteLMAO oh my god you captured the man's perspective perfectly! I had to keep from snorting and shaking my head while reading this. He's definitely interested and it shows. But I get the impression she has no idea he's interested. Hmm... That'll make for interesting future encounters!
ReplyDelete